Forgiveness!
by DarkDaughter1318
Summary: After Rose & Adrian's nasty break-up, Adrian disappears for a month. When word starts flying around that Ivashkov will be making his return, Rose gets ansy. What happens when they see each other for the first time? Will there be forgiveness? One-Shot!


Word had been flying all around court that Adrian Ivashkov was coming back. I knew he'd come back, and I'd known it from the moment they all told me he was gone. Everyone said he left because he couldn't take being here after Tatiana's death, and after everything else that happened, he just up and ditched, but they were wrong. I knew the real reason he left, and the real reason was me. Regardless of mine and Adrian's short lived romance, I knew how he thought, how his mind worked. When things got tough he ran, and to be honest… I would too. Adrian and I hadn't ended one such great terms and I felt horrible about it. It ate at me every day even though I wasn't willing to admit it. I'd never meant to hurt Adrian. I really had loved him, no doubt… but we weren't meant to be together, and that I knew. I had hoped there could be something between Adrian and me, but… Dimitri was who I belonged too, belonged with. There wasn't any doubt in my mind. I missed Adrian dearly. I'd sort of expected a visit, at least to let me know he was okay, but apparently I wasn't worth that much. He was upset with me, and I didn't blame him. I'd broken his heart. He loved me unconditionally, and I completely broke him. There wasn't a day I don't regret what I did. I regret not telling him sooner, not ending us before what I did was considered 'cheating' but I couldn't take it back now. There was nothing I could do or say to make what I did any better. Dimitri heard about Adrian's possible return before I did. Since Christian was now Lord Ozera, he heard a lot around court. Lissa had told him about it, and he told Dimitri, obviously warning him that Adrian would be around. Dimitri came home and told me. To be quite honest, I was kind of worried about seeing him again. I wasn't sure how he'd react to me, or if he'd even talk to me at all. I tried not to think about it, but it was hard. My shift with Lissa had just ended and Dimitri had gotten off a few hours ago, so I headed home. When I walked in, Dimitri smiled up at me.

"Hello Roza."

"Hey Comrade." I said. He smiled.

"How was your day at work?" He asked, as I walked over to where he was sitting at the counter. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

"It was about as good as protecting a royal pain in the ass gets." I told him. He chuckled. "How was yours?"

"Good. Christian was working on something for Lissa, so we just sat in his room."

"No fair… I always thought Christian was the more difficult moroi. I'll trade you. I'll guard Christian and you take Lissa." He smiled, but shook his head.

"I'll pass." He said. I nodded.

"Of course." I muttered. He smiled, and ran a hand through my hair.

"Have I told you that you're beautiful today?"

"I don't believe you have." I said, smirking at him. He ran his hands through my hair again, twirling it around his fingers.

"You look absolutely gorgeous today." He said. He tugged on my uniform jacket and smiled. "I love my women in uniform." I giggled.

"Thank you." I murmured. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his mouth. There was a knock on the door, and I groaned as I pulled away. "I'll get it." When I opened the door, a guardian was standing there.

"Queen Vasilisa would like to see you." He told me. I nodded.

"Is she dying?"

"No ma'am." He said, smirking.

"Is she bleeding?"

"No, she is not." He answered.

"Then she can wait another five minutes. I'll be there soon." I told him. He nodded once.

"Okay, Guardian Hathaway. I'll relay the message." I smiled and closed the door behind me, walking back over to Dimitri.

"Now, where were we?"

"You need to go find out what she wants." He said, placing a finger over my lips. I poked my lower lip out ever so slightly, pouting.

"No fair."

"She's your duty. We said we wouldn't let our relationship get in the way of that." He said, scolding me like a child.

"But she's-." He shook his head. He pressed his lips to mine, gently.

"Go see what she wants. I'll be here when you get back." He said.

"I just-." He growled at me.

"Rosemarie, go." I narrowed my eyes.

"You know I hate it when you call me that." I said. He nodded, and smirked.

"I know. That's why I do it." He said. I rolled my eyes, and walked away.

"You're lucky I love you Guardian Belikov." I snapped as I walked out of the room, and down to the throne room, where I found Lissa. She turned to me and smiled.

"Took you long enough." She muttered. I smiled.

"I was… occupied at home. Sorry." I said. Her face flushed a little. I looked up to see Christian walk in, and over to her. He kissed her and smiled.

"Hello Rose."

"Hey Sparky…. I mean, Lord Ozera." I said, bowing. He growled.

"Shut up. I much prefer Sparky." He said, smiling. I nodded.

"I figured as much. Any who… what's up Lissa?"

"I just thought I should warn you ahead of time-." I cut her off, guessing what she were about to say.

"Adrian's back." I said.

"How'd you know?" She asked. She hadn't been the one to tell me, and I never let her know that I knew. My eyes flickered to Christian.

"Christian, I told you not to tell her." Lissa snapped.

"I didn't."

"Dimitri told me. He heard it from another guardian." I said, covering Sparky's ass. She sighed.

"Just look out for him, and if you run into him… please behave. We just got him back." She said. I knew in that moment, she blamed me for his leaving. I blamed myself no doubt, but hearing her say that kind of threw me off.

"Okay, if that's all. I've got to go. Dimitri is waiting. I'll see you tomorrow." They both nodded. As I walked out, and headed back across court, I stopped short. I wasn't exactly ready to go back to the room yet now that I knew he was here. I knew if there were any sign of deep thought on my face, Dimitri would be down my throat. I took a detour and headed out onto the back deck. The cool night air felt good on my face. The moment I walked out the door, I smelt clove cigarettes. _Damn it. _He looked up from the chair he was sitting in. The moment his eyes met mine, I saw a million things flood through them. Most prominent was hurt, others were anger, pain, sorrow, and love. The love was always there.

"Rose." He said, inclining his head.

"I heard you were coming back…I didn't know whether to believe it."

"Well, believe it. I'm here." He said, standing.

"How are you?" I asked. His face went somber.

"I've definitely been better, Rose." He snapped at me. He'd been gone for a month but it was clear he still wasn't over this yet.

"Adrian-."

"Don't start, Rose." He said.

"We've got to talk about this."

"There's nothing more to say. Everything I had to say, was said before I left." He snapped.

"I've missed you." I said.

"That's a crock of shit and you know it."

"It's not. I've been worried. When you just up and left… I was concerned."

"Because you knew I left because of you…" He said. His words stung, but nonetheless, I nodded. "Yeah, I figured as much." He sat back down in the chair he stood up from, running his hands through his hair.

"Adrian… I just-." He cut me off.

"You want to know what sucks… what sucks more than anything in the world?"

"What?" I asked. I wished I hadn't.

"I loved you… and I loved you so much… I knew when I left, I'd be back. I told you once that you could do all sorts of bad things to me, and I'd still come running back. Well, here I am. It sucks because I don't want to be here. I want to be somewhere I can live, not sit around and watch you live your happily ever after." I growled.

"I've told you once already, my life isn't as great as you make it out to be."

"You still got everything you wanted." He said, smartly.

"And you've seen what I've got to go through to get it. I work for what I want, Adrian."

"There you go again; you might as well just call me lazy and good for nothing." He snapped.

"Adrian, I never said that."

"You didn't have too." He said.

"I give up. There's no winning with you anymore, and I'm seeing that now. I'm sorry for what I did to you, Adrian. I'm sorry I hurt you, more sorry than you'll ever begin to understand. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted. You don't want to believe me, and I get that. I know you're never going to forgive me, and I get that too. I'm done, Adrian. I've really tried. There's nothing more I can say, nothing I can offer up to make what I did better. Being hurt sucks, I've been there. I'm sorry." I said, I turned my back, and started back towards the door.

"I forgave you." He murmured, so low I barely heard him.

"What?"

"I forgave you. I forgave you a long time ago. The moment I walked out of your room that day, I forgave you. I hate it because I can't stay mad at you. I can't not forgive you. It's always been that way with us. We've hurt each other, and pissed each other off numerous times, and we always end up right back here." I met his eyes, and could really see the extent of the damage I did. It was horrible.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness." I whispered.

"Doesn't mean I don't forgive you."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"I just… You hurt me, Rose. You cut me deep. You have no idea how deep. I expect things like that from other women, from women I've known… maybe a week or two, but you...I never expected that sort of thing from you."

"It wasn't something I ever planned, it was-."

"A heat of the moment thing… I get it. You love him."

"I love you too, and I know you don't want to hear it, or believe it… but I do." I said. I watched as so many things filled his eyes as I said it. It almost looked like he wanted to cry.

"You don't know how much I wish it were enough."

"I know." I whispered. He ran his hands through his hair, and got up turning away from me. I could tell he was aggravated.

"It's not fair. It's not fair that I can't be mad at you. I should be. I should be angry. I shouldn't have come back. I shouldn't be talking to you or even looking at you. I wish I could be mad at you. I wish I could walk away from you, and completely forget about everything, everything we shared, all the times we were together… but I can't. I'm not going to lie to you… while I was away… I hooked up with a few girls." He said. I flinched a little. It bothered me that he'd gone to other women get his mind off me. "But I always pictured it being you."

"Adrian… you can' t-."

"I know, Rose. I know." He turned and met my eyes, anger and sadness clear on his face. "I wish… I wish I could hate you." He said, through clenched teeth.

"I don't want you to hate me." I whispered, the words barely audible.

"And that's exactly why I wish I could. Then, you finally wouldn't get something you want." He snapped. I blew up then.

"I do not get everything I want. I've went through so much, almost died numerous times, lost people I loved and cared about, fucked up so many people's lives. You don't understand what it's like to be me, Adrian. You couldn't walk a fucking mile in my shoes. Stop telling me that I have this charmed like, like everything is just fucking fine and dandy cause it's not. I fucked you over, I lost Mason, I lost Dimitri, went to the end of the Earth and back to get him to where he is now, fucked up so many of my friends lives it's insane. You have no idea what it's like with all that on your conscious. While your off nursing that bottle of fucking Vodka, and fucking around with other girls, I'm here… working my ass off and stewing in the hell and pain I've caused so many others. Don't tell me that I'm living happily ever after, because I am not." I yelled. By the time everything rushed out of me, I was trying to catch my breath. I couldn't really tell by his expression what he was feeling. I turned and walked away, leaving him standing there, staring after me, kind of like he'd done to me that day in my room. There wasn't anything I could do anymore. I'd hurt him… but there wasn't anything I could do to change that now. I continued on, going back to my room with the man I loved, and belonged too.


End file.
